


My body Is a cage.

by Casil_Strider



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Bad Parenting, Don't Like Don't Read, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, M/M, Sadstuck, Self Confidence Issues, Self Harm, Sibling Incest, Stridercest - Freeform, triggering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-29
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-13 09:24:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/822695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Casil_Strider/pseuds/Casil_Strider
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I guess you can say it's been a normal life in Strider household.. Except for some changes that have happened.<br/>& by changes you mean... Bro has been an abusive drunken shit, and you've been taking out your anger on yourself.<br/>But can you Blame him for getting mad at you? You have been taking your sarcastic comments towards him over the edge lately.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably really out of character for both Dave and bro.
> 
> But I tried, I hope you like it. I just felt like we needed more fic's out there like this in my opinion.
> 
> (Sorry if theirs typos, Im lazy at editing)

I guess you can say it's been a normal life in Strider household.. Except for some changes that have happened.  
& by changes you mean... Bro has been an abusive drunken shit, and you've been taking out your anger on yourself.  
But can you Blame him for getting mad at you? You have been taking your sarcastic comments towards him over the edge lately.  
____

Dave sat on the futon flipping through some movies on the hallmark channel.  
Nothing caught his interest much. So he left it on as back ground noise.  
Walking into the kitchen, nothing catches your eyes as you look around.  
Though nothing really has your interest anymore you don't care for things. 

You don't care for anything. You've been drowning in your own thoughts.  
Grabbing for a glass of water Dave leaned on the counter taking a sip being quite weak lately  
Luckily Dave hasn't been forced into a strife this past week. Suddenly the door slammed open.

Dave's heart stopped for a split second. He held on too the glass surprisingly.  
Muttering out quietly. "Shit." You didn't think he'd get home so soon. This is just great.. Maybe hes tipsy enough you can sneak past him.  
You slowly set the glass on the counter and tried flash stepping to the hall. You ran into what felt like a brick wall.  
That wall being Bro's chest. A small "fuck" passes your lips as you try too readjust your glasses. 

Dave was quickly thrown to the floor. The wind being knocked out of him instantly.  
Bro let out a growl, his voice was deep and husky. "Watch out where you are fucking going, kid. It's well past your bed time why the hell are you still up?"  
His words grew louder... So did his anger. Dave took in a deep breath pulling himself off the floor clenching his fist.  
"Its the weekend you fucking moron." Dave got a good clock in the mouth for that one.

Dave's tooth cut right into his cheek, holy shit that hurt.  
You grunt not reacting. You wipe the blood from your mouth and walk around your Bro.  
Maybe you can make it back to your room without anymore problems.  
"I get the fucking message bro, thanks." Bro shoves you into the wall.  
He lets out a sigh letting the grip on your shirt go. He walks away without a word to the living room.

Dave pulls himself from the wall, he doesn't waste a second getting into his room.  
Shutting the door behind him he then slides down the door. He threw his shades across the room.  
Quickly covering his face with his hands. 

You try everything in your power not to cry. But you can't help it the feeling overwhelms you.  
Trying everything in your power not to just scream out in anger.  
You frantically run over to your desk searching it.  
Your mind goes blank for what seems like forever.

Then you suddenly feel all the pain of what happened. You didn't worry about it seeming it was self inflicted.  
You have no idea where you got this from.... But its been going on for the past month. You do your best to hide the scars.  
No one ever catches on seeming your poker face has been mastered long ago.

You look down too your arm, It was in a much worse state the more you let the blood flow out.  
You never wanted to start this. & you always regretted it after it happened.. but you're too numb to care.  
You counted about 20, and then 5 more. Those ones being deeper than the rest.

You throw the scissors into your closet then pull yourself onto the bed.  
Crawling under the covers. You fall asleep exhausted.  
____

You wake up at what seems like 1pm in the day.  
"Shit, what happened last night?" Your head hurts, clearly hungover.  
Theirs blood on the floor from when you clocked Dave in the face...  
All the memories rush back to you like bullets. "Shit, what a dick move."  
But he's Dave you know he's taken harder hits in the past. And you are pretty sure he's fine.

But you know he probably hates your guts right now.  
No point in apologizing anyway, he wouldn't accept that.  
Bro pulls himself off the couch. Making himself some coffee, he soon retreated to his room.  
with no plans on coming out until he had to go back to the Club. & That wouldn't be till 12am.  
____

The light shining into Dave's room has finally broken him from his deep sleep.  
He grunted, looking for his shades & lifting his body slowly as ever from the bed.

Fuck, you forgot you threw them somewhere in your room during a petty hissy fit.  
You looks down and notices your white sheets stained red. "Fuck, maybe I can blame it from the knock in the face I took.. But shit, that stains never coming out."  
You looked down to your arm with a sigh. Standing up you soon fell over sight going black for about 15 seconds. "Augh, too fast you idiot."  
You crawled over to your desk, Slowly pulling yourself into the chair.

"SHIT."  
Apparently yesterday WAS a Sunday... and that makes today a school day.  
AND YOU'RE LATE. again and you know for a fact the teacher won't have it.  
but there is no Point on going and making it up now. Schools almost out for the day.  
You pull on a hoodie. Peaking your head out into the hall. It seems like the coast is clear.

You make you way back into the living room and then the kitchen. Opening the fridge.  
"Swords, of course Bro. Of fucking course. Just as well anyway.."  
You grab another glass of water.. It's really the only thing you are freely willing too intake.  
Its been like that for at least 5 days. Not that you care, the sooner you fade the sooner this all stops.  
You sure aren't taking the chicken way out.

The computer in Dave's room goes off it seems John is trying to pester Dave.  
You walk back to your room 'Quietly'. John doesn't let up He keeps at it determined to get your attention.

"DAVE DAVE DAVE DAVE! why weren't you at school today? i had to show you something important."

"chill man i wasn't feeling well what did you want to show me"

" :( oh sorry! well i can't really tell you i need to SHOW YOU are you feeling well enough to come over?

Dave took about 5 minutes to reply deciding if he really wanted to see his friend. He's at risk of John know that something is up.  
But maybe he wants someone to know? Dave would never actually tell John, John be so destroyed over it.

"yeah sure ill get a move on and see you in a bit then"

"coolcoolcoollllllll!!!!"

"john dont"

"aha okay i'll leave the coolness to mister strider over here. :) "  
____

Dave found his glasses they had made it under his bed. He put them on then quickly got out the apartment

John only lived about 15 minutes away walking wise. But Dave took his sweet time.  
Finally he got there knocking on their door. John greeted him with a big hug then dragged him in.  
They sat in Johns room, John had faced the computer Screen towards the bed and turned on a movie.  
It was basically the thing he wanted to show Dave. Dave still didn't pay much attention starring at the walls.

John looked over to his friend tilting his head. "You don't like it do you?"  
Dave quickly turned his head over to John. "Nah man, its cool."  
John sighed,"Are you sure Dave? You seem pretty down...and uhm-"

John didn't notice it before due to his excitement but there was clearly a huge ass bruise on the side of Dave's face.  
Dave wrinkled the middle of his eyebrow's confused. "Loss of words there man?"  
John Pulled Dave over to him forcing him to turn his head more to the side. "Dave! what happened?! are you okay? That looks horrible!"  
Dave quickly pulled himself away from John with a shrug. Trying to keep his cool best he could. "Nah man, its chill I fell of my bed and hit the side table. I actually have to get going. But I'll see you at school. K?"  
"Dave wait what aren't you telling me? Isn't that side of you body facing the wall? DAVE!"

Dave stood up and quickly got the heck out of John's house. Way to be nonchalant there, man.

Finally he got home. Bro was leaving for work, Bro didn't make any small talk he walked past Dave without even looking at him.  
& For some reason that hit Dave right where it hurt. His brother couldn't even say sorry about punching him square in the face.  
But now Bro is just ignoring him all together?  
"I must be some terrible fucking child in your eyes for you to not even acknowledge my existence now."  
He said it to the air, Bro being long gone before these words spilled out his mouth.

Your breathing became heavier. throwing off your jacket in frustrated anger.  
Lip twitching you threw a fist into the wall causing a huge hole. You couldn't stop all these emotions building up, and if someone was in the same room as you.  
You'd be sure to take it out on them even if you didn't want too. You kept on violently throwing punches around at different things.

Then right when you didn't think it could get any worse.  
It did.  
You snapped and lost control probably for no reason. 

Dave fell too his knees letting out a scream, pulling at his hair. Hyperventilating, tears threatening to fall from his eyes.  
He screamed at himself, over and over. "I fucking hate you. I HATE YOU WAY CAN YOU NOT UNDERSTAND I HATE YOU."  
He let out all his anger punching at his legs as hard as possible. Crying in pain and hate and disgust.  
"YOU'RE STUPID FOR ACTING LIKE THIS AND FEELING LIKE THIS! YOU FUCKING DRAMATIC FREAK! WHY CAN YOU NOT JUST FUCKING DIE ALREADY."  
Dave, threw his head against the wall in hopes to just knock himself out. He made it too his room slowly.. The muscles in his legs not wanting to work after the violent beating.

He locked himself in the closet, lashing out at his legs and arms once again.  
Bro will be pissed about the wall.... Bro WILL BE FUCKING FURIOUS ABOUT THE WALL.  
That thought played over and over in head, and it just made him scream out even more.  
He ripped all his shirts off the coat hangers, breaking most of them.  
He probably shredded up 5 good shirts but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered... He was done.  
Exhausted after the whole thing he probably cried himself to sleep or just finally blacked out. 

Looks like he'll be missing another day of school. Not that he cares anyway..

Bro came back after work, Not as drunk as the other night but still tipsy.  
He was completely oblivious to the hole in the wall.  
Walking down the hall he stopped at Dave's door. Considering if he should apologize... But it's late and he best not wake Dave up at the hour..  
He let out a sigh, making way to his room.

His actions lately have been eating him alive. Bro fell back on his bed starring at the ceiling.  
If he could explain why he was acting so violently towards Dave he would... No in fact he could explain it.  
It's because he's a fucking freak for having feelings for the fucking child he raised.  
Bro figured acting like he hated Dave would push him away. Far enough so Bro wouldn't take a step towards something wrong and inappropriate  
But this is even worse... Holy shit but he can't just come clean about being attracted to Dave... It could freak Dave out to the fullest. Bro could get arrested..

He could get arrested now for fucking abusing Dave. No, HE SHOULD BE ARRESTED. He's surprised the kid hasn't ratted him out yet. Bro know's he should be in handcuff by now.  
He know he has to do something to at least make things better even if its the slightest change... Even if Dave wouldn't forgive him.. He just.... He had to let Dave know how much he actually loved him.  
He needed to let him now how much he didn't mean to do all those god awful terrible things..


	2. Summertime Saddness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What bro doesn't know won't hurt him right? Sometimes the truth hurts more then we want it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOH, Finishing this chapter right before I head off to L.A.  
> And might I say, I think this turned out well. 
> 
> Don't think I'd make it all happy happy just yet... Its not a fairy tale friends. You can't have a down and let it all be ups and ups.  
> Considering continuing this to another chapter... Hmmm.

It was now the morning. Dave woke up slowly, his body still in much pain. He had a migraine, rolling out the closet.  
The light from the sun irritated his eyes. He's pretty sure this is what it feels like to be hit by a train, letting out a groan grabbing for his shades.  
Slipping them up his nose, He made his way over to the bed. Slowly picking himself up off the ground, using the bed for support.  
He gave up and decided to just sit, scanning his legs and arms. He felt sick deep down to the core. 

It was probably 11am He could still make it late to school only missing at least 2-3 classes.  
But he's most definitely not going to leave the house. He's not sure he ever will.  
Dave's comfortable just living it out in his room. He gained enough energy to get up, and at least put on pants and a long shirt.  
It hurt to pull on any clothing, but he sucked it up seeming it’s his own fault.

Making his way to the window he rested his upper body on the windowsill. The sun was warm and welcoming.  
Dave watched the usual neighborhood crows fly around. Hearing a knock at the door, he didn't dare answer...  
Seeming he should have been at school by 7am.. Bro would have yet another thing to be pissed about.  
Dave kept a straight face looking out the window. His muscles tensed when he heard a click.  
Clearly the door had been opened. But to follow it was only silence. Dave waited to most likely get thrown into the very window he was looking out.

Suddenly a hand was on his shoulder. The touch caused his breath to hitch. When the hand stayed there for about 10 seconds he felt it was safe to turn around.  
Dave looked straight at bro though his shades with a small shrug. "Sup bro."

 

Bro crossed his arms "Kiddo, we need to talk." He left the room, before Dave had a chance to make an excuse as to why he couldn't join in on this soon to be train wreck of a feelings jam.  
Dave let out a disgruntled sigh and slowly followed along. Apparently not fast enough for bro's liking. "Dude come on stop moaping around and pick up the speed."

Thank god bro can't see your eye's, you’re almost positive they are blood shot and puffy. & with every word he says, things just get heavier.  
Apparently once you break you are still cracked and fragile to anything and repairs just don't happen over a 10 hour time period.  
Bro sits on the couch you are still following slowly behind. He motioned for you to sit down on the couch. You sat as far away as you could from him.

You don't want him catching onto things. You keep the end of your sleeves held tightly in your hands. You can't seem to relax your body. So you clearly look really tense to him.  
He stay's quite for a while, But his eyes have now stumbled upon the hole in the wall... and you can tell. You have no idea what to do and suddenly fight or flight instincts kick in.  
You picked flight and jolted off the futon. Only making it to the entrance of the hall before bro and grabbed the collar of your shirt.  
It hurt to stand on your legs so you were probably squirming more than what should have been normal. His voice was loud even in a hushed voice as he was right to your ear.

"What in hell's name possessed you to punch a fucking hole in my wall? Do you even know how expensive it will be to get that fixed, Dave?"  
You know he probably won't get the wall fixed, but he has a point you hate to admit. You broke a half assed smile and answers smugly "I guess inner demons just all up and took over. I don't know man."  
You felt bro's grip on your collar grow tighter as it got slightly hard to breathe. Casing you to make a wheezing sound, he let go of you in response. This probably shocked you more than it relieved you.  
Bro did force you to turn to him. Your eyes darted around the room unable to look bro in the face. Bro stood back by a couple steps giving Dave the space he clearly needed.

"Dave, look I'm really fucking sorry for how I've been treating you terrible... REALLY terrible. I'm surprised you haven't called child services yourself to take me away."  
Dave crossed his arms slightly hunched over. He shook his head lightly. "No, it’s fine. I don't even care for it. I'm the one causing it."  
Bro clench his hands, there is something Dave isn't telling him. He knows it, and he knows damn well Dave does care.  
"Can you stop beating around the bush and just tell me what’s going on. Even if I'm the cause for it, you just need to flat out say it."  
Dave bit his lip trying to hold back the emotion that is once again rising to the surface.

Bro clearly see's Dave hanging on his last string. He moved forward his hand moving to Dave's arm to pull him into a hug.  
Dave pulled his arm back so quickly stepping back, it stunned Bro. Maybe Dave was scared to be touched now because of everything?  
But Dave was just more worried about his bro getting a clear glance at his arms. Dave let out a couple huffs, shaky breath, and tears now threatening to fall from his eyes.  
His voice was cracked." I-I'm just going back to bed... Don't bother waking me up.."

Bro grabbed Dave wrist as he turned to leave." Dave look I-" Dave punched bro right in the gut pulling his arm away.  
Dave then absconded quickly to the stairs leading out to the roof. He opened the heavy metal door. It left aloud clang behind him he ran out to the middle of the roof.  
His legs just ended up giving out from under him. He laid on his back, biting into his hand trying to stop himself from crying. It didn't help much. The light from the sun above was blinding.  
He tried hard to find comfort in its glow... But it all just felt like a heavy summertime sadness.

Bro leaned on the wall shocked... He was surprised about the way Dave acted but at the same time he wasn't.  
He knew something more intense was going on... But before flat out confronting Dave and Making it worse..  
He decided that maybe something in his room could help him with conclusions.

He opened the door, noticing the closet first... He didn't like how this was looking. He found broken coat hangers and ripped shirts.  
He continued to look around finding the scissors with what clearly seems to be blood.. He was utterly floored.  
The way Dave has been acting... it all ties together. And the worst thing is... You caused this. YOU cause YOUR BROTHER to hurt himself in this way.  
Now that they think of it you haven't been watching Dave eating habits much either... But you do realize his sudden size differences and weight loss..  
Shirt no longer fitting him like they did... Holy shit this was like taking your heart on a bull ride, and letting it fall off into the dirt while it gets stomped on.

Soon you were walking up the stairs, you open the door. Dave doesn't react You walk over to him laying down like he is looking up.  
There's a long agonizing pause before you speak. "Dave, I'm really..... Really sorry.. I had no idea.. I was too stupid to catch on... I really should have been paying more attention to you... I should have been taking better care of you."  
Dave interrupted. "No stop, its fine I really mean it. It doesn't matter, I don't matter.. So don't beat yourself up for it."  
Bro turned his head sitting up "No, you do matter... and You aren't the one to be saying that."  
Dave let out a sigh and rolled facing away from Dave.

"I approached that wrongly.. I'm sorry, Dave." The younger one chocked out his words slightly still crying "Just stop saying sorry, I can't take it."  
Bro didn’t reply. He waited again... He soon gently pulled Dave over to him and into his arms. Hugging him for what seemed like 5 long minutes before he made other advancing move.  
Bro had Dave resting in between his legs with back against bros chest. He kept an arm tight around Dave's waist.  
Soon he moved his hand down one of Dave's arm; he kept his fingertips at the start of Dave's sleeve as if to ask for a look.

Dave shrugged and just acted lifeless from this point on. As bro slowly moved the sleeve up He didn't think his heart could break any more than what it was... but it did.  
Straight lines X's and some words that were hard to read. He wrapped his hand around the base of Dave's forearm.  
It stung slightly but he let Bro do as he pleased. Bro knows there's more, and he wants to see... He needs to see Dave's physical state just to get a better idea on how hard he'd have to work to at least minimize the numbers of slits he's already seen. 

In fact Dave gets that from bro just by his body language. He didn't care as long as bro wouldn't start calling him some weak fucking faggot.  
Though he knows Bro would never do that... and yet he can't stop expecting it.  
Dave tried forcing the words out to let bro know that he could proceed further in examining things... But his lungs refused to let out the air and his throat close up tightly on him.  
Instead Dave went to remove his shirt slowly, everything in his body still hurt.

Bro stopped him, picking Dave up and carrying him down the stairs. He walked into his own room, Setting Dave on the bed.  
Bro pulled out a first aid kit he kept just in case a strife went bad. He helped Dave with his shirt.  
It still hurt him to the core, looking at his little brothers scarred and bruised body. He tended to the newer wounds cleaning them.  
But Dave slowly moved his arms away. He then stood up going to remove his jeans. Bro was confused by this but then slowly realized....  
Holy shit His legs were worse than his arms. “Dave I-."

Dave shook his head again. Sliding down on the floor next to the older one, "I'm sorry Bro.... I really am, It’s my fault for ticking you off anyway. Can we just say we both had faults.....and can we just forget it...Please?"  
Bro nodded his head slowly and pulled Dave in for another hug. "Look, I'll make this better okay... We'll get better."

"We don't have to do counseling if you don't want that.. I just want to know that you’ll be okay emotionally. I can pull you out of school for a week or so if you want."  
"Look Dave, I love you and I'm sorry I cause allot of this but I'm going to make it damn better... and we are going to order a shit ton of epic food. Because I don't know how you could even stand on those chicken legs."

Dave smiled lightly and hugged bro tighter. "Look, I'm not going to stop on a whim.... Okay and you need to understand that... I don't even do this when I'm sad. It just happens because it’s addicting.  
I know it terrible to say but it's true." Bro didn't reply, He just pulled Dave closer to him.

They both have addictions they both have problems. Now they just need to find some way to stop them.


	3. Knife called lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Downfall after downfall soon take over to push their limits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did someone order feels?  
> No? Too bad. So I actually made other part to this.
> 
> I did this last one all on a phone, so I'm sure autocorrect has gotten to parts I missed.

It's been about a month since everything has happened, you and bro have been getting better with how you go about handling things with each other. You might even say that there is a possible relationship there. Non of you have confronted it though, you aren't too worried.

You've been seeing friends your grades have picked up and you and John worked out that one bump in the road. The only problem is you can feel yourself going downhill again... You knew it was bound to happen... You've been eating in front of bro to make him happy.

And frankly, you are pretty sure she doesn't suspect you've been throwing it back up once he heads out to work. You probably drink about 10-15 bottles of water a day. Just so you still seem like your at a good weight for when bro has those moments where he randomly picks you up. 

You don't see anything wrong with your eating habits and its not like you are one of those people who complain about weight and then just stop eating but don't exercise on top of it.  
You try to run about 3+ miles a day if you can.  
Weight training to keep you muscular looking.  
taking a lot of vitamins to keep your eyes sharp, hair soft and prevention of nail discolor. 

Getting light headed and weak every now and then doesn't bother you much. It's all for the price of Ana. Yeah you actually follow those stupid blog and take those dumb-ass tips.  
But they actually work so you just go with it.

You've possibly been going down the old path of cutting but not as bad, keeping to the back of your neck or ankles. You told bro you couldn't just quite. And you where right, it's addicting.

You keep up the cool guy act like a pro.  
You still rap you still wright hella bro and sweet Jeff, turntables are you life. But so is depression its comforting for some fucked up reason.  
____

You where in the lunch room and the only one that seems to have caught on is Rose. She knows you like the back of her hand. She worries for you clearly, always throwing an apple or pear your way. Your quick to catch it and send her a soft smile. You take at least 3 bites of the apple and leave it there to slowly go brown. John and Jade are being the lovable dorks they are, talking about whatever the fuck it is they do. Soon the bell rings and you tell them you'd see them later. Rose is soon to follow along side you down the hall.

"How have things been?" She ask softly but still with her prodding attitude.  
Dave shrugs "It's been the same, Rose."  
"I see, well if you ever feel like opening up about it I'm here for you." She stops at her locker returning books.  
"Thanks sis, well I'll see you later then." 

School finally ends and you start your walk home. You see your bro's truck and have the urge to jump the fence. the only time you really got to do your running was right after school got out.. You wondered why bro's picking you up anyway. He never does that. You have a feeling you won't wont like the reason why he's here. Maybe he hacked your computer and found your history or some shit.

It's too late to jump the fence now, Bros seen you and made eye contact. You let out a slight growl, dragging feet to his truck, climbing in soon after.

"Shit Dave what's with the face? Hate me that much, huh?" Bro smirked and ruffled Dave's hair. "I got a call from the school they said you've seemed sick lately. So if you are there is no point on walking all the way home just to make it worse."  
Dave crossed his arms looking out the window. "Understandable."  
Bro started up his truck slowly pulling out the parking lot. "What a robotic response, you doing okay?"  
Dave continued to look out the window. "Yeah it's chill, long day. I'm pretty tired."  
Bro didn't reply, they soon got home. Dave jumped out the truck flash stepping up the stairs that lead to their apartment. Dave pulled out his homework sitting at the table. He soon Gave up resting his head on the book.

Bro walked out his room placing a hand on Dave's back lightly petting. Though the good feeling of the touch didn't stay when Bro opened his mouth. " Hey Dave, I got a call from work. I need to leave for a couple days. If I say no I'll get fired. I'm sorry little man." While bro was a DJ.. he had a more.. intense job to bring in actual money.

Dave lifted his head turning around to bro placing a kiss on his cheek with a faint hug. "It's okay I understand. I'm going to head to bed I'll talk to you later.. When you get back?" 

Bro nodded heading out the door. Dave let out a sigh walking to his room throwing himself on the bed. Wow this sucked... You really didn't want Bro to just have to all up and walk out on you again. It's not that you don't understand, he has work you get that... But you just want someone to be around that you can freely hold.  
___  
3 days have passes and you've been dropping in school grades again. Trying to ignore rose as much as possible her poking around has gotten allot more intense. You've called in sick, spending the day in your apartment was nice.. In some way. But it really just gives you a better chance to be and act depressed without anyone getting on your case.

You set out for your usual run. You're about 2 and a half miles in when you get stopped by these 3 boys from school. You know where this is going. This is the second time in along time that you've been attacked by bullies. Too bad you where much stronger back then both mentally and physically and not so much now.. 

Walking back home with a limp. A nice cut right on your cheek bone followed with a nice purple and red bruise. Ribs hurting but nothing broken.  
The only thing that hurt you was things they said about bro. Kids at school always made bad assumptions about him.

Even if some things were true, those words fueled a fire and stung you pretty deeply. Everything has been stressful. You want bro back you want him back so he can hold you and make things better... How long did he say he'd be gone? You thinks he's a little late... But it happens.

Soon you found yourself a mess and depressed a week, only a week and you cant handle it. Maybe just one more time... One last time you could attack your arms just one last time. And no one would have to find out. You'd stop after this, you'd never do it again and you'd finally be happy.... You just needed it... One last time.

You never found interest in knifes or razors. They didn't do it justice. Settling for the scissors they left deeper and wider gases. It sounded terrible just thinking that... But it's true so fuck it. It almost seems hard to go through with it.  
Dave just couldn't force it deeper, and it was starting too annoy him.  
Forcing self hatred and all the feelings that push him over the edge. Dave finally with slight hesitation, ran the blade over his skin. 

The crimson color of blood soon followed. He continued this at least 16more times. Unaware of the opening bedroom door. But holy shit did Dave jump back. All he could say to himself was. You don fucked up idiot. 

Bro was fast to react, his heart was once again falling apart. He grabbed both of Dave hands. Probably harsher than what he intended. " What the fuck is this?! You need to fucking stop! I'm sick of it! I get you hate me leaving but stop mutilating yourself to get my goddamn attention!"

Dave struggled to pull away. " What do you not understand about me saying I CAN'T STOP! This isn't about you okay! You don't have to fucking care for this so stop acting like you do! I'm not doing this for attention you fuck!"

Bro pulled Dave's bleeding arm to his face forcing him to look."Look at this Dave! What the fuck about this is not screaming I need help!! I do fucking care I'm just sick of you blackmailing me with it!

Dave pulled his arm away. "Where the fuck is that coming from?! IM NOT BLACK MAILING YOU HOLY SHIT BRO!" 

Bro growled. " No I'm done, you want attention. You fucking have it! So you don't need these anymore. Consider yourself DEBUNKED."  
Bro forcefully pulled the scissors from Dave then soon started ripping through his room taking another sharp objects.

At this point Dave was freaking out pulling at Bros leg, on his knees, in frantic tears. " NO, dude please come on! I promise I'll stop! don't do this! Don't fucking do this! 

Bro didn't reply,after taking EVERYTHING he needed to.. He walked out the room slamming the door shut, leaving Dave to sort out his own problems.

This is it you're alone.... Your last support has fallen from you leaving you to crash. Kicking and punching at the walls. You won't get anywhere by doing this BUT there was nothing else to do it seemed. Everything has gone down hill... And it's your fault your brother hates you now. Too fucking bad your windows are barred. 

You trashed your room in a raging mess. There is no way out. You are stuck in this hell... This insanity, this pain.

Bro leaned on the counter pulling off his shades. He felt terrible... He felt like a villain, but this needed to stop. He really wanted to just put on headphones to block out all the loud noises coming from Dave's room... This is killing bro inside. Placing his hands to his face, he slid down to the floor unsure how to take this.

Dave's on his knees in misery scratching and pulling at his hair once again, hyperventilating.  
And that's it's your done you can't take it anymore. You push yourself out of your bedroom door and into the bathroom locking it behind you, you soon search the cabinet shaking like a leaf.

Bros soon to notice your change of places in the apartment flash stepping to the bathroom in fronting fear. The door is not match for you.  
Dave's too shacked to open the bottle of sleeping pills properly. But once get manages to open it, they go everywhere.  
Bro pulls Dave in his arms at almost the speed of light holding him as tightly as possible. petting his head just trying to calm him down.  
Dave's quick to react punching at Bros chest trying to get out of his grip. " Let go! LET THE FUCK GO OF ME BRO! You don't care I get that! Okay, I get it loud and clear! Just let me go! Let me die! I'm done and I don't want to deal with this! Just, give up! I'm begging you for god sake! Bro!"

Bro shook his head in disagreement. Placing kisses on Dave anywhere he could. He really didn't mean for Dave to feel so hated. HE REALLY didn't mean it. Fuck, why is is so hard for you to handle things, you never know how to say things. A it's a clear burden on you.

Soon Dave gave up falling lifeless in bros arms still crying. " I just don't want to be a burden on you anymore.... I'm so fucking sorry,bro. I'm really sorry." He could barely say anything.

Bro nuzzled his face into the crook of Dave's neck. " No, it be a burden to have you 6 feet under. I love you, and it hurts me that I can't help you better. I'm the sorry one, Dave. I can't lose my only brother, I can't lose my only love. And if I do I might as well be dead too. Theirs no point to me if I don't have you."

Dave probably started crying harder in disbelief to what his Bro was saying. Bro wrapped up Dave's arms, picking him up. He laid on the futon pulling Dave onto his chest keeping him in a close hold till Dave settled down. He continued to place loving kisses on his little brother head.

One day, he'll fine some way to make this whole mess better... He'll do it The right way...


	4. Dear agony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, wow it's been awhile. Sorry for not updating this I got really busy.  
> I feel like there isn't enough drama in this one, but It did turn out decently.
> 
> I didn't kill your hearts too harshly this time I hope.

The sun shined brightly into the living room were you and your younger brother was resting on the couch. Your neck hurt from the position you had been all night. But you didn't dare leave Dave's side.  
  
Dave was sleeping peacefully on Bro's chest, his face tucked tightly to the older ones chest. Bro ran his hand softly through Dave's hair a couple times, trying to coax him out of sleep. Dave stretched slowly, blinking slowly till he was able to get used to the light.

 Grimace fluttered across him for a couple reasons actually, His arm and head hurt... But it hurt more to see his own blood dried to his brothers white shirt. Bro tapped Dave's back lightly. This caused Dave to move up slightly to look towards him; Bro took this as a chance to adjust himself on the couch. He ran his hand through Dave's hair again. Bro slightly smiled before he opened his mouth to speak softly.

 

 "Morning sleepin beauty."

 Dave groaned he sat up slowly. Bro moved to sit up as well, he was soon met with Dave placed firmly back onto his chest

. "I don't want to get up, Bro." Bro smirked and kissed Dave's head. "Then don't."

They sat there for a couple moments longer; Bro was looking around the living room where he could. Everything was a mess from the night before. He could barely remember what had happened. But what he did remember didn't make him all too thrilled, clearly. He could really go for a beer right about now. But he pushed that thought to the side. Bro thought to himself ‘Dave’s not going to get better or get rid of his habits if I can't even control mine.' and its true, you really cannot control your drinking. You wouldn't do it in front of him. But you've come back home one too many times drunk off your ass, even in the past month when you've both been trying to patch things up. It's not fair to Dave.

While deep in thought you feel Dave pull off of you. He's weak, pale, impaired, & debilitated. You see that clearly just while he attempts to stand up. You offer help but he pushes your hand away. Dave's frail arms barely able to work up actual strength to really push your hand away. But you got the message and let him do shit for himself, even though you really just wanted to force him to lay down while you get him everything's he wants/needs.

Dave felt pretty pathetic, walking to the bathroom he moved to sit on the side of the tube. Resting his upper body on his knees he picked up all the pills he caused to scatter last night during the whole masquerade. Clearly bro wasn't going to leave you alone while doing this. You know he figured you go for another attempt at offing yourself. Bro rested his body on the door frame, he made no further advances.

You moved to reach for the bottle and its cap, putting every one of the pills back into its small container. You pushed yourself to stand up; you didn't make eye contact with your brother while walking out the door. You just simply pushed the bottle of pills towards him while you walked past. He threw them away, you didn't care. That's what you wanted anyway.... kind of.

 You've slowly grown to hate your own room; all it is, is full of bad memories and too many depressing thoughts. But you still move down the hall, dragging your feet to your bedroom. You make your way too the bed sliding onto it, towards the corner against the wall. Biting at your bottom lip & pulling your knees to your chest. You felt so vulnerable; you aren't even strong enough to keep a fucking straight face. 'What a failure, you fucking faggot.' constantly yelling at yourself in your mind. Dave moved to place his forehead to his knees.

 Bro still not letting up about Dave being out of his sight. He bit the inside of his cheek looking at his little brothers sheets covered in blood. Walking into the room he picked up the scissors that had been on the floor from last night. He sat on the bed slightly spinning them around on his finger. After a moment he looked over to Dave. "Wanna talk?" Dave lifted his head after a long pause. "...No.. Not really." Dave bit at his lip again tipping his head back to rest it on the wall. He starred at the ceiling, another moment longer before he opened his mouth. A pause before he actually decided to speak.

 ".. Haven't you ever considered, just maybe. That breathing is a luxury I don't deserve to have...” Dave clawed into his knee before continuing.

 "I don't want to get blood on your hands.... But... Was it really worth it keeping me around.... You... You could have a much better life full of chicks and anything you want. and yet you still stick around with the mess you happen to call a little brother... but for what? Heartache & sadness, that's what, That's really all I cause, isn't it? Wow, just look at me. I'm so fucking cool, bro."

Dave clawed into his leg even harsher throwing his head back on the wall.

 " Fuck, why.... Why can't you just say I ruined your life, that I took away your freedom? WHY WON’T YOU JUST ADMIT IT ALREADY? I CAN FUCKING SEE IT, SO STOP MAKING ME WONDER. JUST PUT IT OUT THERE ALREADY JESUS CHRIST BRO. IT’S NOT FAIR YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THE DISGRACE I AM! MAYBE IF I HADN'T LIVED WITH YOU I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD FALLEN FOR YOU SO HARD."

Dave's eye's widened, and he really wished he had his shades on.... You've never really admitting to having feelings. Yeah sure you guys had gotten allot closer and it kind of went past the line of brotherly love... But... Still. It was wrong. Dave throws his head back towards the wall once again harshly. Dave’s eye starting to go fuzzy with the increased amount of tears.

 "Hey wait a minute." Bro pulled Dave from the wall.  
"You DO NOT, ruin my life. I'd probably be in the gutter without you. Dave, I enjoy being around you more than any other person in the world." Bro sighed "Dude yeah, it is VERY painful watching you go through all this. But it’s partly my fault okay. Yeah it gives me heartache, but I still have you.."  
  Pulling Dave closer into his arms  
 "I may not be wording any of this right but... I need you to understand that I love you okay... Dave I'd be destroyed if you died on me."  
 "Maybe that's really selfish but it’s true... I would have probably offed myself years ago if I didn't have you around. You're my like kiddo.. & I'm sorry for the way I am... as a person who's supposed to be giving you guidance."  
  
 Bro placed his hand under Dave chin tilting it up. Dave was pretty unwilling to comply in looking up. But Bro was strong and he didn't want to fight.  
 "I-I'm.... really sorry Bro..." Bro shook his head showing an almost nonexistent smile.  
"Shut up." He leaned down placing a kiss onto Dave's lips. Dave clearly shocked he didn't react... he just sat stunned. Eventually he returned the kiss. When they finally both pulled from the kiss.  
 Dave looked down that the scissors in his Brothers hand. Bro shrugged.  
"Look.... How about I keep these in my room, and when you feel like you really want them back. You talk to me instead."  
 Dave groaned... he really didn't want to give them up. But he knew he had no choice.  
 Dave took a deep breath nodding his head. Bro in response Sat up and spun them on his finger again. Walking to his room, he probably hid them really well because it was at least 4 minutes before he came back to your bed room.  
  
 "Want something to eat?" You shrugged, not making eye contact. He didn't move from where he was so you know it wasn't a question. You groaned again as bro motioned you to follow him into the kitchen. After about an hour or 2 of watching him he had finished. You actually forgot how great of a cook bro is when he put his mind to it.  
 He had made lasagna; you really fucking loved that as a kid. When he set in on the table you sighed poking at it. Bro shrugged  
 "You don't have to eat it all... But take less than 3 bites and we're playing an intense Game of airplane." He smirked sitting down. He may have said it jokingly but you knew very well.. He'll do it... You assume 3 bites won’t hurt.. But... Jesus fucking Christ that pasta will be the death of you.  
 "Guess I can go running later."  
 Bro raised an eyebrow taking a bite of his own lasagna.  
 "If by running you mean, from here to the couch in attempt not to miss your favorite show? Then no."  
 You figured bro wouldn't be a push over about this.  
 "And by running from here to the couch you mean I can do it 100+ times."  
 "Don't push it lil man."  
You hiss in return. taking small nibbles at the food on your fork.... You just can't help but imagine gaining 67+ pounds just from this one bite. It’s taking everything in your power not to gag. After 40 minutes of small talk and small bites Dave Pushes his plate to the side. He kept up his side of the deal. Bro wasn't too pleased but at least the kid ate something.  
  
 Bro cleaned off the plates. Once he finished he turned to see Dave still sitting in the same position. He sighed walking over to him. Kissing the side of Dave's neck Bro mumbled against his skin.  
 "You don't wanna sit on the couch?"  
Dave shook his head staring blankly forward. "Nope."  
 Bro placed another kiss on haves neck. "You sure?"  
Dave didn't react "Yeah."  
 Bro moved his kiss to Dave's jaw " Are you sure sure?"  
 Dave squinted his eyes turning his head to face his brother. "Yes I am."  
 Bro smirked; He slid his hands to Dave's sides and started tickling him. "But are you positive."  
Dave slid from the chair, be made a squeal no guy should ever make but it only egged bro on. Dave crawled at least 3 feet, but bro was fast to pin Dave tickling his side again. Dave tried to stay serious biting his lip to stop himself from laughing he tried pushing Bro away but to no avail.  
“Dude seriously stop. I'm not in the mood. Come on.. BRO NO DUDE STOP” Dave tried to wiggle away and he was probably almost in tears from laughing. When Bro did let up, Dave had punched his arm. "You ass." "Love you too Dave."

 Bro smirked leaning down to place a kiss on his lil bro's lips. Dave crossed his arms and turned his head. "Ah come on lil man."  

Dave stuck his tongue out. "Nope." Bro frowned "Please?"  

Bro nudged Dave's neck. Dave shrugged in return. Head still turned, Bro nudged him again. "I said please."  Dave clicked his tongue, turning to face his Bro. "Okay fine."  Dave wrapped his arms around the others neck and kissed him deeply. Bro soon picked Dave up, carrying him into his bedroom. Setting Dave down on his bed, leaning him back continuing the kiss.  Dave seemed uncomfortable. So Bro let up, He moved to lay next to Dave Pulling him into his chest once again.  

They continued to give each other small kisses here and there till Dave finally drifted off. About 30 minutes of Dave for sure being passed out, you pulled away from him. Getting up slowly you log onto your computer and spend half the night looking into both AA groups and Institutes.  

 

You kept telling yourself if's for the best.... for both of you..  

You just can't help but feel like you're stabbing him in the back though


	5. Resistance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So. It has been a LONG while since I updated this. Sometimes It's hard to get around to and hard to get inspiration but I really thought about finishing this off just because it's a story I don't want to leave hanging. 
> 
> Welcome back to the rollercoaster ride. It's a shorter chapter because I started this late in the night.

Waking up slowly, you notice you weren't in your room. 'Oh so last night really did happen..' You thought to yourself and sat up. Bro wasn't next to you but, he was an early riser for the most part.  
You let out a sigh and then yawned. You actually felt okay today, just a touch of sadness swam around you like an annoying piece of seaweed but, it was easy to shake it off.  
You rubbed the back of your neck.. Man Bro's be was really comfortable maybe you'd have to make this your official sleeping spot. 

As you moved to get out of bed you were greeted with a tall figure. It was bro, walking in holding two cups of coffee he set one on the side table right next to you.  
So you just decided to scoot back into the bed and wrap up in his nice squishy quilt. 

Bro snuck into the bed but didn't bother stealing some quilt for himself since burrito Dave was absolutely adorable. Bro reached over and handed his little man his coffee..  
Since Dave didn't seem like he had a plan to move anytime soon. Bro took a sip of his coffee and relaxed against the headboard. He was a person to take his time before talking so there was a nice bit of quiet. 

"Dave.. is it. Is it my fault that I was gone.. for you to, you know.. did that cause your relapse?"

Dave wasn't up for talking about all this still since it's hard but he didn't want bro to put the blame on himself. Sipping the coffee that was given to him, he hummed holding the cup close to his face feeling the heat from it.   
"Mm, no.. I mean I was sad you weren't here. I guess I'm just not doing too well at standing up for myself anymore."

Bro raised a brow. "Mind explaining more?"

Dave tugged at his lip with his teeth before nodding his head and agreeing. "You don't really think I'd punch myself in the face, do you?"  
Bro seemed to be instantly filled with anger. "Someone hit you? Who? What's their name I'll take care of those fucking bastards for you."   
Dave simply shook his head. "Bro, don't please. Don't yell, shit happens it's life. I was only hurt because they said some shit about you they had no right saying.." 

Bro squinted his eyes but he slowly un-clenched his fist. 'Dave needs.. me to be calm.. especially today.' He had thought to himself. He was mad but he didn't let it show.  
Though at the same time.. 'Dave let others whale on him in some messed up way to protect me?' He thought more to himself and that made Dave even more adorable in his eyes.   
Bro let out a sigh and ran his hand over Dave's head giving a pretty strong pet but it was a loving one. 

"Well, why don't you take care of them when you're feeling 100%? Alright? Also, I have something to tell you."

Dave leaned into the pets. "I can do that.. and if it's bad I don't want to hear it."

Bro shook his head nonchalantly. "No no, it's good. trust me it's fine. I.. Ah, I'm going to start going to AA meetings. You know, things alone those lines to help with my problem." 

Dave smiled and he didn't hide it, it was amazing to know his brother was finally doing this. He moved to place his coffee on the side table again then moved over to his Brothers side, kissing his cheek.   
"Wow, I have to say I'm pretty shocked. I'm proud of you bro." Dave scooted down and nuzzled into his bro's side closing his eyes, he still felt a bit tired but that was more of the drain from still being depressed.

Bro rubbed Dave's shoulder looking out the window.. This was so nice.. and he was regretting that he'd be causing to to end soon. "Dave, Why don't you get up. We're going to go on a drive today, alright?"

He smaller blonde let out a groan. But, atleast he was going to get to spend time with Bro. He gave himself about ten ish minutes to let the coffee take effect before pushing himself out of the godly bed.   
Walking to his room he picked out a comfy long sleeve shirt, and some loose pants. Grabbing his shades, he didn't bother about his hair, it looked good enough.   
Eventually he met Bro in the living room. They had a nice breakfast and talked awhile longer.. things felt nice and warm.. There was no stand offish energy like normal.  
Dave truly felt a lot happier, even if Bro seemed to be awfully.. attached? It wasn't bad just.. odd, he was never this touchy. But he never minded the pets and side hugs he'd get from him now and then. 

It was a sweet feeling.. something he wanted to feel for eternity. Eventually it was time for Bro's little road trip he was so adamant about. Maybe they were going camping or something?   
You know just something to get away and forget.. You thought about that and felt glad.

So you guys got in the car, and it was a quiet drive. A long one about just alittle less than 2 hours... you wondered where he was taking you. Eventually drifting off.. You only woke up when you felt the motion of being moved.   
____  
You where in bro's arms, bridal style with your head hanging back. Looking up you saw the transition from sky to ceiling. You we're still a bit groggy and definitely confused. "Hey where are we?"  
You asked as you lifted your head up and.. saw.. a seating area with a lady behind a counter/window in scrubs... 'A doctors office?' You thought to yourself.   
The lady didn't seem too kind looking, she seemed like the kind of person to hate her job. "Mister Strider right? You're checking in a patient named Dave, correct?"  
Dave's eye's widened, wider than they ever had before aa he felt his older brothers grip grow stronger around him. Wait.. was this really happening? Everything was so good just seconds ago. 

"What.. what's this. Bro? H-hey wait. what's going on you're not-"   
He was cut off as Bro set him on his feet and started walking him to heavy set of doors with small windows a small buzz meant it was unlocked.   
Dave violently pulled his arm away from his brother.. 

"YOU'RE A TRAITOR! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME DON'T SEND ME HERE WHAT ABOUT MY FRIENDS AND SCHOOL. BRO YOU CAN'T DO THIS! BRO" 

Bro just held onto Dave best he could while holding his straight and stern unaffected composer. But he was definitely feeling terrible.   
The struggle caused cuts to be re-open from scabbing wounds, it was painful. All the pain came back. Two big male doctors rushed over trying to 'help the situation.' Pulling Dave away from his brother.  
Taking the young blonde through those doors. Daves feet dragged and he yelled and kicked struggling even more calling out fro his brother.  
Bro just watched, keeping eye contact through his shades as the doors slowly shut in-front of him. He felt choked up..  
Even with the door shit he could still hear his brothers crys begs and his anger. 

He looked down seeing Dave's shades were knocked off from the fight.. He picked them up and grit his teeth. The lady behind the counter was unphased by the scene.  
she's seen things like this play over every other day. 

"Sir. I need you to sign some things."  
Bro looked over and nodded because walking up to her little window. 

"Now you have him here for 2 weeks, correct? Please know if he's a problem we have no choice but to keep him longer. Alright mister Strider? He has to stay here until we don't find him to be a hazard to himself." 

Bro just nodded again if he spoke he'd crack so he stayed silent... So this is what it truly felt like to be a villain. He'll just have to be sure to assure himself this is the right thing todo.   
No matter how terrible it feels..  
____

Tears streamed down your face while you were forced down onto a bed, you still fought but a sharp point hit your skin and you felt your eye's go heavy. You put up such a fight you gave a doctor a black eye.  
That's when they decided you needed to be sedated, you were much much stronger when you really felt like fighting.   
You can only remember a light being shined in you eye's and your shirt being removed as you started to fall asleep.. god you were finally getting sick of sleeping.   
You remember voices talking to you, asking questions about your self harm and intentions to kill yourself. You only mumbled retaliation. 

You did incoherently ask "why does the hurt person get treated like such a monster when you're the monster?" 

It was an odd question.. You didn't intend to direct it to anyone in the room. Your eye's rolled back.. and that was it it was dark in your mind again. 

Waking up again in an even more confusing environment.. but you knew all to where where you were.  
Drugged up stitched up and locked up.. this was something you never expected or wanted to happen.. you wanted to prove you were better than that.. but too late you assumed. 

"Such a white.. white room." You were still high as shit from the unfamiliar drugs.. You thought about your Bro and felt longing but it turned to a feeling of betrayal. Tear welded up in your eye's again.  
A sure walked in seeing you so upset she rushed over and set the back of her hand on your forehead. "Hey now sweetheart. I know you're confused and upset. But please know you're in good hands."

Dave just let out a whimper and turned his head.. He didn't like that kind of touch from anyone else.

The nurse frowned.. She knew there wasn't much she could do.. Most patients were like that upon first arrival. "Its okay to cry.." She said softly.. but it was clear she wasn't helping the situation much.

"When do I leave? where is my brother? can I see him? Or call him?" he said with grit teeth trying to man it up alittle bit. 

"Well, it depends on you. Your brother is probably home. But he called him and told him about your condition a few hours ago. So you don't need to worry. He can also visit you at anytime and calls are okay at certain hours."

Dave clenched his fist "So... he wanted me here?" ... The nurse sighed, understanding what Dave was feeling..


End file.
